As she drove to the airport; Kitan’s mind cycled between moments of euphoria and despair that bordered on fear.
She doubted if what was gnawing at her insides was fear though. It couldn’t really be fear. At least it wasn’t the kind you feel when danger looms. It was something else. Something to do with guilt. She wanted it to go, she needed it to go but it was there making her heart constrict from time to time. Necessitating the breathing exercises she kept doing.
Her husband- the one she last saw Eleven months earlier was coming home. He lived in America while she lived in Lagos. He lived with another woman to whom he was also legally married. His marriage to this other woman was not a love match but an arrangement. He had paid her to marry him because he needed her status as an American citizen to get his Green card. Kitan had reluctantly agreed to the arrangement especially since he assured her it wouldn’t take more than a year for the process to be complete. But it was over two years now and he still hadn’t gotten his Green Card. Also that day would be the second time he would be coming home.
She was indeed excited that she would be seeing her husband soon and she had prepared for him with anticipation yet there was that other thing in the pit of her stomach. The guilt that also felt like fear. What if he finds out?
The evidence of her guilt was in black and white. Written by her on several posts on the anonymous page she ran on Instagram. Married living single @MLS. The place where she had poured the things she would otherwise not have shared with a single soul.
The urge to create the page was one she had been unable to resist. There is something about doing things you shouldn’t be doing that makes you restless and want to confide in somebody; anybody. You feel that push to let it all out.
MLS had turned out to be a hit! She had gone from 0 followers to 10,000 followers in just a week and six months later had over half a million people following.
Her first post had read ;
My name is Peace (Not my real name) . I am a married woman whose husband lives far away from her and rarely comes to visit. One day I started a journey I will never be able to tell my husband about. But I need to tell someone so I will be making my confessions on this page. Please be gentle with me.
She had gone ahead to add some key hashtags to the post and then she published. The response had been unprecedented. In 24 hours she had more than 600 comments. All it took was someone with all a lot of followers who had stumbled on her post and reposted and that was how traffic came pouring in for her.
By that morning her husband was to arrive, more than six months after her first post on MLS , she had grown to publishing adverts for vendors and making a lot of money from a page that was just supposed to have served as an electronic diary.
The previous day; she made a post to inform her followers she would be away for a month. Her husband was coming home and every trace of MLS had to disappear from her phone. She had explained. She told them her intern would be handling the page and posting stories sent to her inbox.
She imagined the post would generate a lot of reactions and comments but she didn’t wait to read them. She instead had deleted her instagram app. She couldn’t afford to take chances. Dele must never know.
Face glued to the window seat Dele watched the clouds give way for Lagos. He couldn’t believe how excited he felt. He smiled as Lagos filled his view. I am in the same city as the love of my life! Whew!
I am seeing Kitan today.
Its been too long. She must really be excited too. Eleven months is a long time. I really should do better .
Who leaves a woman in her prime for almost a year? He chuckled upon realising he had just echoed his friend Kayode’s words to him.
The day he told Kayode on phone that he would be coming to Lagos and had gotten an earful from him as usual.
“About time o.” He had said.
” You know I been dey tell you sey you no dey try. Since last year o. You are just coming to see her. ”
“Guy you know everything na”. He had retorted. “You understand the situation.”
” Yes I do but still Dele. Hmmm. I know what I am afraid of o. Lagos boys bad gan. Even under your nose dem fit dey run things not to talk of when you leave a beautiful lady like Kitan all by herself. I even told you to let me put an eye on her for you. You said No. You trust her. Well thank God you are coming sha.”
“Kayode leave this issue na. Kitan understands the situation and she knows it’s all temporary. Asides that I trust her. She won’t mess herself up with any man. She is a decent girl. So leave that yarn jare”. He had said steering him away from the conversation.
In all the time he had been away, Dele had never allowed himself to entertain any thoughts of Kitan being unfaithful to him. He chose to trust her and that was it. The only part he wasn’t really sure of was her being understanding of their situation. He could already tell that her patience was wearing thin. His arrangement with Ruth was supposed to have been something that lasted a year at most. Yet here he was two years later; there was no Green Card and his arranged marriage had gotten so complicated that extricating himself from it was proving impossible.
Just how do I sort this mess. he sighed as the plane landed on the runway. I need to make things right and make her happy.
I need to shelve this guilt and awkwardness I feel and just enjoy the time I have to spend with her. When I get back to America, I will go back to dealing with my problems with Ruth. Hopefully Kitan won’t make things awkward by asking too much questions. These were the things he told himself as he walked to baggage claim.
Kitan paced the arrival hall, she couldn’t sit from the moment Dele’s flight had been announced.
“He is here!” she had said aloud ; hugging herself tight. I can’t believe he is here and that I am really going to see him, hold him, smell him, feel him. Your baby is home Kitan. He is home!
She kept her eyes glued to the entrance searching for Dele. She wanted to be calm but she knew there was no way she could be. “He is here”. she whispered again to herself.
Will he know ? Will he be able to tell? How will I stop myself from blurting out my sins? Will I be able to pretend that all is well? Will I be able to act normal around him?. All these questions whirled through her mind. It didn’t help that her body still ached from her last encounter with Dominic two days prior.
You sef Kitan. You no dey try o. she chided herself. You knew Dele was coming , you shouldn’t have gone to Dom at least not so close to his arrival. Her heart was beating fast again.
The deed is done and right now I just need to be calm. Breathe Kitan. Breathe. Just then she saw him and found herself running to him.
Ifeoluwakitan! Dele screamed as he saw her running towards him. He dropped his bags and threw his arms open to receive her. She fell hard against his chest and he held her there; love and gratitude welling up in his heart.
I needn’t have feared. We are together again and all I feel is completion . He thought.
“My baby. Iyawo mi. Let me see you well.”
She hadn’t said a thing. She had tears in her eyes and he wiped them off with his palms. He twirled her around pleased at what he saw. She was beautiful as ever. Her skin looked fresher than he remembered. Caramel was what came to his mind.
” You are beautiful as always Ife mi.”
“Baby” she whispered standing on her toes so she could kiss him. I have missed you so much. The tears were still streaming down her face.
“Shhhh” he hushed her. “Let’s get out of here. I am hungry.” he said giving her a knowing smile.
The drive home was frustrating for Kitan. There was gridlock at Ojota which saw the drive from International Airport to Magodo G R.A that should have taken them 30 minutes end up taking over an hour.
Throughout the drive Dele’s hands stayed on her lap sending electricity currents all through her body. She was glad he could still make her feel that way. It was the same way she felt the first she met him. It had been in Church. She had taken the seat beside him and on seeing him had felt an instant attraction. Her first thought was “Why so handsome”? She saw a slim handsome man of medium build and clean shaven and her heart had glued to him. She had liked what she saw and the attraction had been mutual.
They had spent the entire service getting to know each other and that served as the start of a beautiful relationship that saw them tying the knot about a year later.
“I see there is no end on sight yet for traffic problems in this city.” Dele said cutting into her thoughts.
“None o. I no longer complain sef. I have accepted it”. She responded.
“Kai. Sorry love.” He said smiling at her and squeezing her thigh. A movement that made her want to groan in pleasure. She loved his hand there.
She kept stealing glances at him and smiling throughout the drive..
I needn’t have worried. He is here and all I feel is joy. He is mine and finally for the first time in months I can feel like a woman who has a man. Now I can look my new neighbor in the eye and say. “Mummy Ibeji meet my husband”. Now I wouldn’t be tormented by her and her husbands raucous lovemakimg for at least another month.
By the time they got to the house she could almost feel her juices trickling down her leg. She was ready for him in a way she hadn’t been ready for any of the men she had been with in the past six months. This felt different. This was her own man. This was legal. This didn’t come with guilt and she was ready to enjoy every bit of it.
And so the moment she opened the apartment door, before they could go back to get the rest of his luggage from the car, she had grabbed him by the waist, pulled him to her, sticking her nose to his chest so she could smell him . She inhaled deeply filling her senses with him. She heard the door close. She heard him whisper “I want you so bad”. His voice inside her ears was what got her completely undone..
“Take me”. “Now”. “Here”.
For Dele the drive had been a torture. Seeing Kitan had done things to him. It made him feel things he hadn’t felt since the last time he was with Kitan.
Her pictures and their video calls didn’t prepare him for how she really looked. She was thicker than he remembered and in a good way. He loved the dress she wore. He knew it was worn with him in mind. He had never seen Ankara look so good. Flowery, Short with frills and puffy sleeves and a low cut bosom that exposed the peaks of her breasts.
His plan was to get home and carry her straight to their bedroom but that changed when she grabbed him by the door and commanded him to take her.
He didn’t give much thought to whether he was gentle or not. All he wanted was to feel. He held her head with both hands and claimed her mouth in his; both of them clashing tongues with a hunger that was raw and crushing.
He led her to the first Chair he could see. It was as though their minds had melted into one. They both could tell what the other had in mind. Something guided them, their bodies remembered. In seconds she was against the chair, her ass arched into his groin, her skirts raised. In that moment it felt like he had been dragging down her pink satin panties and releasing his own trousers all at the same time. He watched her body vibrate in anticipation of receiving him and it drove him wild. He groaned as he sank himself into her. It was wild for them both. Kitan had tears in her eyes. Dele’s eyes were dead shut. He felt like he was floating in the air , he felt breathless but he still had his voice; he planted his mouth against her ear and whispered some of the beautiful things he had fantasised about telling her. She was his Queen, the love of his life. His wife. His mother. His joy. His entire existence and he had missed her so much.
Minutes later they were in bed together. Spent but he was lying on her crushing her into the bed. He asked if it was okay and she said yes. She loved his weight on her.
His luggage was still in the car but they both couldn’t care about that for now. They just wanted to savour the feeling of being together.
They were still both naked. She could feel him growing hard again and she opened her thighs in invitation.
“I am good to go again.” she said in answer to his unspoken question.
But first I think you should eat. I made what you requested. *Asara elepo rederede.*
“Hmmmm I am torn.” he said in response to her laughing as he spoke. “I am very hungry actually. But I will still take you over the food right now.”
“Babe I am here for you now. You know I took leave from work so we have time. but come eat first.”
“Ok. I will eat” He agreed. But can I just eat this first? he asked as he roamed his hands across her breasts.
“Oh well I can’t say no to such an enjoyable proposal.” she replied laughing.
She closed her eyes as she felt his lips on her breasts. I want us like this forever. She thought. It was another thirty minutes before they made it out of bed.
When he was done eating and they had brought out his luggage, Dele told her he needed to sleep and she was glad for the reprieve. The initial euphoria of seeing him had waned and now she could feel her initial trepidation creeping back.
She settled for a bath hoping it would make her feel better. As Kitan soaked in the bath her mind whirled in a turmoil. She thought about all the times she had allowed other men claim her body since the last time her husband visited.
Every single time was etched in her memory and they wouldn’t wane. Babe, why couldn’t you just keep your legs closed? Now he is here and you can’t even rest easy. Was all that pleasure worth this?
She thought of her blog and all the stories she had shared over the months. Some hers and some from other women who had sent her stories which she posted for them anonymously. She knew for a fact that she wasn’t the only married woman who had been cheating on her husband but that didnt stop her from feeling so dirty and guilty.
Guilt. The same feeling that had made her start the blog in the first place.
Kitan sighed and hugged herself as she took her mind back to the first time her body had welcomed the manhood of another man. But it hadn’t been her fault. It had been an accident.
To be continued next week Monday.